Myth
Men and women, who are faced with an unplanned pregnancy and choose to place their child for adoption, take the easy way out and have made an irresponsible decision. Birth parents do not want their baby. They are “terrible” and “selfish” people who “gave their baby away” through adoption. A birth mother or birth father will endure serious emotional problems after placing their child for adoption. A birth mother will regret her decision for the rest of her life. Adoption is a more traumatic experience for a woman than abortion. Adopted children grow up feeling bitter and rejected. Adoption damages the child. Biological parents are better fit to raise a child than adoptive parents. Parents will not love an adopted child as much as they will a child born to them. The adoption process is secretive. If a mother chooses adoption for her baby, the baby will go into foster care before he or she is adopted. The adoption agency and adoptive family only care about the birth mother until she has the baby, and then she is forgotten. The adoptive family will agree to the adoption plan until after the adoption is final, and then will deny any contact between the birth parents and the child. Birth parents who place their child for adoption will never see the child again. Men and women who choose to place their child for adoption must go through an adoption agency.
Reality
Adoption is a responsible decision made by a person mature enough to place the best interests of the baby ahead of his or her immediate emotions. Birth parents are brave men and women who selflessly place their child’s future before their immediate desires. Birth parents have considered all possible options for raising their biological child and have come to the respectable decision that the child’s care would best be in the hand’s of another family who can better provide for the child. Children who are raised in an adoptive home are happy to know that their birth parents chose life for them. Although it may be difficult at first, birth parents that are confident in their reasons for adoption will ultimately feel they have chosen the correct future for the child. They take comfort in knowing that the child can now live a life they may not have been able to provide. Expectant mothers make an adoption plan because they believe it is in the best interest of the child. When the adoption process is handled properly, most birth mothers feel confident in their decision. With support or counseling, they are able to grieve appropriately and proceed with the healing process in a positive manner. When a birth mother understands that adoption gives her baby a stable future of opportunity and love, she can live the rest of her life knowing she has given her baby a very special gift. With an abortion, the pain of deep regret and uncertainty can continue for a lifetime. Adoption, however, is followed by a lifetime of satisfaction for having planned a wonderful life for the child. A birth mother will begin a new journey in life for herself and for the child. The adopted child will grow up knowing that his or her family is the result of adoption, and will understand that their birth parents selflessly planned a wonderful future for them. The child will be grateful that the birth parent’s decided to give them a chance at life. On virtually every level of social success and happiness, adoption has the advantage! The adopted child is:
•More likely to finish school
•Less likely to be delinquent
•More likely to have a good job
•More likely to have a stable marriage
•Less likely to live in poverty, than if the child were raised in a single parent home
An unplanned pregnancy can affect women of all ages and maturity levels. Birth parents may be young or old, already parenting other children, not financially stable, or simply seeking a more secure future for their child than what they can provide at their current stage of life. However, adoptive parents are ready and excited to take on the responsibility of parenthood. They have gone through an extensive screening process that qualifies and prepares them to be successful parents. Love and attachment are neither created nor guaranteed by biology. The intensity of bonding and depth of emotion are the same, regardless of how the child joined the family.
 
Birth parents can select and meet with the adoptive family if they want to. This gives them the opportunity to ask questions and receive information directly from them, as well as provide information for them to share with the child. The baby often goes straight home from the hospital with the chosen adoptive family, depending on the adoption regulations in each state. The baby may only spend time in host care if the birth mother is unsure of her decision, if there are complications in the legal process, or until the legal release procedures are completed. Adoption caseworkers work out the details with the birth parents based on their wishes and the specifics of their case. Adoption agencies work closely with the birth parents and adoptive parents to ensure that both parties are satisfied with the adoption process. Birth parents and adoptive families can work to develop a secure relationship throughout the adoption process and afterward. Honest and reputable adoption agencies work closely through legal avenues so that a birth parent’s wishes are sustained throughout the child’s life. Every adoption agency and state varies on individual adoption policies, laws, and regulations, too.
Since birth parents choose the type of adoption plan they want before the child is placed, the amount of contact they have with the child is solely up to them. However, either party can change the form of communication in their adoption plan at certain periods after the child is placed. This depends on the adoption agency or attorney that is used, as well as their state’s law regulations on adoption. It is imperative for birth parents to completely understand the details surrounding their adoption plan, and how much time they will have to revoke relinquishment of the child in their state. Adoption and placement arrangements do not have to be done through an adoption agency. If you are searching for a legal avenue in adoption, working with an adoption attorney is also a viable option.
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